Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Posts to Come

I still haven't decided how I feel about security and privacy. I'm a little unsure about posting pictures of our family, mentioning the name of our city, or talking about any aspect of our jobs. Thank goodness I've never written anything bad about work before, since I inadvertently sent my blog URL to a co-worker! (I responded from my personal email account, and my signature was automatically pasted on.) Thankfully, it was one of the least embarrassing co-workers to send it to (not the owner, for example). But now I'd better get his projects done on time, or else I could be in for it! Especially since after reading this post, he'll know what a big deal it is for me :-D

This is directly related to my other blogging hangup - personal privacy. I'm a very shy, introverted person. I'm too shy to write in public about a number of things that many bloggers regularly discuss, such as things you'd see in a 'TMI' category. If I were completely anonymous, I may write a little more openly, but it would still be uncomfortable for me to break through my shell and do it. If I post pictures or use the name of our city, I'll be less anonymous. I already use my real first name, and I have mentioned my kids' names before. I'm not really afraid that someone will stalk us and hurt us, but you never know. I guess I do have a bit of my mom's irrational fear and worrying bred into me. When I post a bit of information, I think of how a stalker could use it and combine it with other information. I'm psychotic, I know.

I guess my biggest concern is embarrassment or fear of opening myself up. I'm worried that I'll write something really personal, and then someone I know will see it. I like to reserve most of 'me' for me. Even writing about spiritual things, which are a huge part of my life, would be pretty open for me. I'm all about being "Patty Perfect" and legislating other people's morality, so I can't write about any of my own moral failings. That's said partly in jest, but partly in truth. I like to put my best face forward, and save my imperfections for people who are very close to me.

I also worry about hurting other people. If I write something funny about someone in our community, it could easily lead to hurt feelings or anger. If I share my continual occasional annoyance with dh, it could get thrown back in his face later on, with people in our community thinking bad things about him, or if he was to ever run for public office or something like that. (Hey, it could happen - dh is a very ambitious, smart, publically likable guy).

The logical answer would be to write all these things in a private journal. But the allure of a public blog still draws me for some reason. If I can manage to open up a little more, maybe I can share one more story of an imperfect person, striving to do her best in the world.

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