I have so many great ideas about what I want my life to be like, yet all I really want to do is crawl into bed and sleep. Forever. Just sleep. That sounds heavenly. It is obvious that I am depressed, at least to some degree. I'm not sad and unable to function; I'm just negative and 'blah'. I continue going to work. I occasionally get the kids something to eat. I occasionally do a few dishes or sweep the floor. I vacuum nearly every day and I put all the clean clothes away every week. So see, I'm not completely non-functional.
Even my husband has mentioned this recently. He has NEVER been the type of husband to tell me I'm depressed and do it in a jerky manner. I'm not sure how to describe what I'm thinking of, but I've heard of husbands who do this. So anyway, he's not like that, but he has gently suggested recently that I might consider maybe possibly going to a doctor to look into anti-depressants. I was like "Why would I go to a doctor to 'look into' them? They'll just prescribe them?!" And he answered "yeah". Oh.
I'm too deeply entrenched into the world of natural health to go to anti-depressants just yet. I know what I need to do. Exercise and eating better would make a world of difference for me. I know this. I've always known this. Yet I still don't do it. So will I start on my own? Or is mine a situation where pharmaceuticals would help me get enough motivation to start, and then I could continue on my own? It's something to think about for now.
Also, apparently I'm supposed to be looking for the positive in things. I have been practically bombarded by messages from every side about looking for the positive in life and being happy. I'm reading a book called "Wake Up to a Happier Life." Based on the title alone, it's obvious what kind of messages I'm getting from there. Lessons at church are often about being grateful for what we do have and looking on the bright side of things. A good friend gave me a Christmas card about me being a happy person. I wondered where she got that idea, but it made me think about what my life would be like if I was really like that on the inside and the outside. To seal the deal, today I got this quote by Bob Proctor in my inbox:
"Everything that happens in your life today will either appear negative or positive. Keep in mind whatever happens must have a positive side to it.So apparently I'm supposed to be positive and find joy. I mentioned that last month, before NaBloPoMo. Clearly I'm still not doing it, but I'm a little closer now.
A large majority of the population seems to be mentally programmed to pay attention to the negative side of life and unfortunately, ignore the positive.
Make a decision right now that, regardless of what happens today, you are going to look for the positive aspect of what's happening. Remember... every cloud has a silver lining. Do this again tomorrow and the next day until it becomes a habit to see the positive in everything. You will feel better, you will be more productive, and you will have more friends."