Blough

Ugh. Today was not a good day. I woke up nauseated. I spent 40 minutes sitting in the bathroom waiting to throw up. I finally threw up and then went to work, where I continued to feel sick.

Then my mom called. I don't intend to draw family drama into this blog, so I won't write out a 30-page dissertation, but basically she feels that it is unacceptable for me to nurse in public or in other people's homes without a blanket. I simply do not agree. Intellectually I can see that side. But my spirit and my emotions don't. I just don't live in a world where nursing uncovered is anything but wonderful. I anticipate that I will never understand the other world. I know my world is different than everyone else's, but I don't anticipate it ever changing. This phone call went on for 27 minutes.

Before/during/after the wonderful call I ate a big bowl of oatmeal and it seemed to be OK. Eventually the stomach rumbles came back and I went to the bathroom and waited to throw up. Nothing. So I went back downstairs and felt nauseated again. So I went upstairs and waited to throw up. Nothing. So I left. As soon as I stepped outside I was able to throw up. We have two buildings and of course three people were outside right at the opportune time. A woman saw me and said "Oh, I thought you were throwing up." I looked up from my throw up bowl and said "I am!" She said "You're pregnant!!" This thought had crossed my mind earlier, and I said "I hope not!!" I immediately felt terrible and apologized to the possible zygote/fetus. My husband will be starting school and working full time in January and all the household responsibilities will fall on me. So I didn't feel that now was the best time to be pregnant. But on the other hand, BAYBEEEEEEEESSSS!! I love me some cuddly babies. So on the way home, I bought a pregnancy test. This was really stupid, as the nausea was really nothing like pregnancy nausea, seeing as it was accompanied by a whole host of symptoms. I took the test anyway and was slightly disappointed at the negative.

My husband and baby were still in bed, so I went in there and tried to nurse the baby so we could all sleep. My husband said he just needed 1/2 hour of sleep and then he'd be fine. The baby was bashing him over the head periodically, so I suggested that husband lock Baby and me in the room and he go out to the couch for one hour. Then he could take Baby and I could sleep uninterrupted. He left and I spent the next couple hours being bashed and scratched by un-tired Baby. By then it was time for husband to go to work, so I never got my uninterrupted sleep. After this Baby did fall asleep and we both rested for a while.

Now I've been trying to get up and pack for the past 2 hours but haven't gathered the energy yet. I have such an extreme lack of character and fortitude. I can't even push through a little bit of nausea and body aches to pack a stupid suitcase. I am trying to convince myself to do it NOW. My wonderful amazing precious 6-year old offered to help me. If I do it now and get it over with, I can rest/sleep the rest of the evening and then maybe I won't be miserable on the airplane tomorrow. Yeah, I can hope.