Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Caffeinated Soda Experiment Concluded

OK, I went for the diet mtn dew (usually I would type ‘Diet Mountain Dew’, but ‘diet mtn dew’ is how it’s written on the label – absolutely ridiculous), because it was a 20-ounce and I figured I might as well go for the largest amount of caffeine possible.

(10:30 am) First reaction – it burns!! I don’t know if I’ll be able to do more than sip daintily at it. It burns my tongue and throat and my eyes are watering. Also, it tastes totally gross. I like the citrus flavor, but the nasty fake sweetener grossness is overpowering. Ew. I’d probably have the same problem with a non-diet drink, because high fructose corn syrup tastes really fake and gross to me too.

I wonder how much I have to drink and how long I have to wait before I feel a difference? So far I’ve got about 1 tablespoon down.

(10:50) Still haven’t had more than 1 tablespoon. At this rate I’ll have gone through about 3 ounces by tonight. I’m going to just go for it.

Ugh. . . . that does NOT feel nice. Everything is burning!

OK, now I feel like I’m going to throw up. My stomach is protesting.

Uh, so what am I supposed to do with all the carbonation that wants to come back up? Just burp a lot? How attractive.

Ugh, I don’t know if I can get any more down. I’ve had about 8 ounces.

(11:00) I can see why this is called ‘diet’ mtn dew. The way my stomach feels, I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to eat anything ever again. I do feel more alert. Is that because I got up and walked around for a few minutes, or because we're busy today, or is it because I’m engaged in writing this terribly interesting diatribe, or can the caffeine do that this quickly?

Yeowch!! Apparently it burns on the way back up too (burping). Except this time it was all through my nose because I had my mouth closed. That smarts!

(11:10) Feeling queasy. I’m going to try a bit more. . .

It’s burning a little less on the way down now. Oh, weird, it’s almost like I can actually feel it burning in my stomach though. I didn’t notice that so much before since the other burning sensations were so strong.

(11:20) Aah, a drink of refreshing water. Why would anyone drink anything that is so difficult and gross to get down when you could have easy, clear, refreshing water instead?

(1:00 pm) I went to talk to my friend upstairs and was telling her several funny stories about TheEx. (Several months ago they would have been tragedies; now they’re hilarious.) I also told her about my caffeine experiment. She said “oh, is that why you’re so chipper today?” I realized I was acting a bit crazy/hyper. Also, I am a little bit shaky. But I was shaky before I had the caffeine, because of the tiredness. My stomach may be calmed down enough to have a little bit of lunch.

(1:45) I still have about 8-10 ounces of the 20-ounce drink left. I can’t even stomach the thought of drinking it.

(3:25) Feeling tired again. My stomach turns at the thought of finishing the mtn dew.

(4:00) More tired. I might just go for it again. It’s been sitting out all day though and is probably warm by now. Although I suddenly feel like throwing up at the thought of drinking it. Oh well. Bottoms up.

Blech!! Such a gross, slimy aftertaste. I’ve heard that people have to force themselves to learn to like the taste of cigarettes and sometimes alcohol. Is it the same with drinks like diet mtn dew? Does anyone actually enjoy this taste their first time? (That’s what she said!) [I hate that joke, by the way; I think it is so dumb. I've never even seen the Wayne's World skits on SNL, which is apparently where it originated.]

(4:20) OK, about 4-6 ounces left. I am going to bed early tonight, so I’d better finish this off soon in case it keeps me up later.

(4:30) Never mind. This is just too gross. I am not finishing it. I have had about half my normal amount of water today, so I’m done with the diet mtn nastiness and am refilling my water cup!

(4:35) OK, the diet mtn yuck is in the trash. Experiment OVER!

That was so gross. Just so, so gross. I can still taste it and feel it in my mouth, no matter how much water I drink. Yucky. I can’t even tell if it made a difference. On slow days at work, I am really tired. On busy days, I am not tired. Today was busy. So was it the caffeine helping me feel less tired, or because today was a busy one? I have no idea. And I am certainly not willing to try the experiment again to find out. Oh, if I really wanted to, I would be willing to try other forms of caffeine, like caffeine tablets or yerba mate, but I don’t even want to do that. I have a very addictive personality, and I am sure I could get addicted to caffeine quickly. Look at the tagline of this blog – “whining about sugar since 2005”. I am totally addicted to sugar/chocolate. I am sure caffeine would pull me in just as quickly.

So, conclusion: Soda is gross. Especially diet mtn dew with no capitals. Don’t try this at home.


GoddessofBirth said...

Geez, woman! If you're gonna go for caffeine, at least pick a good drink, like Dr. Pepper or a Mexican Coke (Mexican Coke is made with Cane sugar, btw.) Mt. Dew is NASTY and Diet Mt. Dew is even nastier.

I do understand the addiction thing. I have an addictive personality and get sucked into ANYTHING very quickly.

Katie said...

I didn't know how any of them would taste! I figured mtn dew would taste good because of the orange juice, but I was wrong.

Chandelle said...

Okay, you were WAY caffeinated while writing this post. :) And yeah, diet mtn dew is just about the nastiest thing you could have chosen.

I love "that's what she said." Whenever I can manage to insert it is like a total score.

Marly said...

you're so funny! I know when I drank caffeine I didn't really like Mountain dew. My drink of choice was dr pepper. When I got off the stuff and tried it again, it just tasted like medicine. I'm with you on the carbination too. It makes my throat and nose hurt. My boys would love to drink pop and my husband but we just do buy it.
ok, sometimes we do but then I'm reminded why I don't like it.
Oh and I went to Wendy's with a friend and told her we only buy off the value menu. She asked what we drank. I said water and she thought I was a weirdo :p

Ramon said...

If you are going to drink diet drinks, mtn dew isn't the way to go. I'm personally addicted to Diet Dr. Pepper, Diet Coke, Diet Coke with Lime, Diet Cherry Coke, Diet A&W Creme Soda (yep even that has caffiene, woohoo. But since I had to switch to diet drinks 8 years ago, I finally got past the after taste. I did laugh at the joke, but I'm not sure which was funnier, that you said it, or that YOU said it.

Katie said...

"I did laugh at the joke, but I'm not sure which was funnier, that you said it, or that YOU said it."

Oh Ramon. Clearly you are suffering from some very incorrect assumptions about me. Don't you know it's always the quiet ones?